Diary of a Happy Goth

I’ve been thinking about all the things I could be capable of if I wasn’t held back by an element of fear. Anxiety about what other people might say and worry that I’ll be bad at something, embarrassing myself for even trying. I think this is what stops so many ambitious and talented people from making changes, trying new things and living a fulfilling life, so I’m putting this question to you now: what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

I would become more organised and intentional with my time, setting up a clearer schedule so I can get my essential tasks done and make time for hobbies and rest time. I just don’t know where to start, and that overwhelms me! I have so many unfinished or unstarted desires because I can’t find time or energy. I would start planning my novel, make new friendships alongside strengthening my existing ones, join a bookclub, start a sport and properly learn a new language. What an overwhelming roster of dreams without the organisational skills to make them happen! 

Say yes to everything (mostly)

One thing that does stop me being afraid to make things happen is the knowledge that I am so young and free from serious responsibility. I can, if I want, pick up a new hobby and learn a new skill without a full-time job or children to prioritise. As a university student, the summer is the perfect time to do this before third year starts, the dissertation looms and societies are back on. 

I’m a firm believer in saying yes to everything whilst I still can (obviously within reason)! If I get invited to something and I have no genuine reason not to attend, I’ll make it happen, because one day I won’t be able to anymore. I’m putting fears aside and saying yes to even the most random of side quests. 

My nan with dementia has recently moved into a care home, and seeing the residents in there, frail and struggling, has made me consider this even more. It’s common that a person with dementia has very limited short term memory, but a vast long term memory that gets awakened by music and pictures. These are people with decades of stories and experiences that they struggle to reenter. One day that could be me. So I’m doing as much as I can, whilst protecting myself from burnout and prioritising self-care, because I still have that privilege. 

If you don’t ask, you don’t get 

I’ve lost count of the amount of creative opportunities I’ve emailed about or applied for, experienced or not, in the name of ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get.’ It is genuinely true that the worst thing someone could say in this context is no. This is also effective rejection training, and I know that the next time I experience a serious rejection, I’ll have the tools to handle it. Exposure therapy! There will also be so many instances in life where you do get what you’ve asked for, even if pessimistic people try to convince you it will never happen. 

Who actually cares?

Whenever I tell someone I’m worried about what people might think or say if I try to grow my social media, they usually ask me, ‘but who actually cares?’, and it’s so true. Nobody actually cares if they’ve seen me doing my makeup on TikTok. Instead, it just gets me one step closer to achieving my goal of having a modest social media following and building a loving community! And this is honestly my reason and goal, regardless of if people want to perceive me as vain and self-obsessed. I’ve always said I’d rather be full of myself than empty of myself. 

I challenge you: random side quests 

If you have resonated with my yapping that definitely could’ve stayed in my journal, I want to challenge you to try a random side quest this week! That could be saying yes to accompanying a friend with something or seeking something out yourself. Mine is I’ve signed up for Channel 4’s virtual work experience programme to learn some new skills and see what it’s all about! 

I’ve got about five random, silly hobbies on the go that I do when I can and which enrich my life, keeping the brainrot at bay! I’m learning to step out of my comfort zone and make these more exciting. I’m also trying to become more financially literate and careful with my spending, so having free or low-cost side quests I can do from home is great for me, an example being completing free online courses from universities: such a good alternative to doomscrolling when bored. 

So, I’ll ask one last time: what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Who could you become if you stopped worrying?

It’s one thing to be afraid of dying, but a worse problem to be afraid of living.