Diary of a Happy Goth

*Contains spoilers!*

Having had the big reveal mostly spoiled for me thanks to TikTok, I knew I was walking into a politically relevant and sensitive dramatic rom-com. (Rom-com? Drama? Psychological thriller? The verdict is still out on that). I knew the film would tackle aspects of true crime that fascinate me: what switches in a young person’s brain to make them see this as the only option? What is it about ‘teaching everyone a lesson’ that feels so appealing, on such a large scale? How does a young person become so willing to cut their own life so short, unable to see the aftermath of their behaviour? 

Fifteen year old Emma seems so prepared to make such a devastating decision, clearly seeing no exciting or valuable future for herself. Her desire to brutally end the lives of her peers feels disproportionate to her circumstances, and as present Emma herself admits, an important aspect of the planning was the aesthetic. The scene of young Emma trying to record a cliche ‘manifesto’ or ‘goodbye’ video incorporates humour as her computer crashes and freezes, leaving her unable to film it, which not only contrasts the mundanity of technology issues with the severity of Emma’s behaviour, but also serves to highlight her age. She is frustrated and angered by the computer glitch in such a teenage way that darkly shines a light on a young person being spurred on by hormones and experiences of bullying to commit life-altering actions. 

This ‘school shooting aesthetic’ is a really interesting idea that gets touched on in the film, and I think it should’ve been explored even further. In the ‘manifesto’ video scene, we see Emma adorn the cliche post-Columbine look of a ‘school shooter’. She’s wearing messy, black, wingless eyeliner and looking angry. She holds the gun with pride and ensures it’s always in the shot. She’s wearing a big, black trench coat for that added stereotypical touch. She tries to embody what she’s seen online and in pro-gun forums, but it all looks false, rehearsed, polished. Like she’s wearing a costume. Which for me, serves to prove that Emma never was, and is not now, a psychopath or dangerous, like some characters may want us to believe. 

Emma’s fast redemption when she was fifteen made me question if what she did was really that bad. She didn’t go through with her sinister plan because another mass shooting happened the same day, of which she saw the devastating aftermath. Communities were destroyed and lives she knew were taken. It’s easy to glorify and distance yourself from tragedy if you don’t know anyone impacted, if the victims are just statistics and faceless memorials on the news. But this felt different for Emma, and led her to switch teams and fight for gun control. Whilst it is worth highlighting that she may have still gone through with her plan had the other mass shooting not happened, it’s important that she was able to rethink, learn and heal into adulthood. 

A key aspect to the pivotal conversation regarding the worst things everyone has done is that Emma’s was the only victimless admission. Emma didn’t go through with it and, until now, nobody knew she was planning it. Yet, I’m sure the boy with additional needs that Rachel locked in a closet overnight had nightmares and life-altering anxiety after the incident. I’m sure Mike’s ex-girlfriend who was used as a human shield in a dog attack developed a phobia of dogs and perhaps even agoraphobia afterwards. If Charlie actually did bully someone into moving towns, that would’ve had financial and emotional impacts on the entire family. I’m sure Misha’s seeming inability to be a loyal partner made countless people suffer. And yet, Emma’s secret is the worst because… Rachel’s cousin is paralyzed from a shooting?

My first thought once the lights came up and credits rolled in the cinema was ‘what Emma did wasn’t even that bad,’ especially in the context of some of the other behaviour we see in the film. I think it’s natural to hear the phrase ‘mass shooting’ and, of course, be alarmed and horrified, but what the film does well is force us to compare morality, conduct some analysis and think deeper about human psychology than what is on the surface. I genuinely left viewing Emma as a troubled woman but one who has shown a huge amount of strength and bravery as she moved forward from her teenage years. Revisiting things from fifteen years ago is troubling, especially when it’s traumatic. We leave the cityscape of Cambridge, Massachusetts without answers for what is next for Emma and Charlie after the car-crash spectacle of their wedding. We’re left wondering, can they start over? Will it ever be the same again?