Diary of a Happy Goth

I am perhaps one of the laziest goths you will ever meet. The only times you’ll see me in a full face of makeup with full accessories are nights out or particularly important days out. For uni, work or functions I’m not absolutely ecstatic for, the most I’ll do is eyebrows and mascara. And sometimes I don’t even bother with eyebrows. It’s a scary sight. 

At the same time, I have a crippling fear of not being perceived as goth. I have a need to be evidently alternative at all times, because I’m proud of who I am and my identity! Over the past few years I’ve collated a mental instruction manual containing ways to look goth without makeup. Staying goth whilst being lazy has never been easier!

A dramatic shoe

One of my personal favourite lazy goth staples is a dark, attention-grabbing statement shoe. You could pick a combat boot, or a different style that boasts spikes, charms or chains. This guarantees that all the ground-starers will know they’re dealing with a highly fashionable goth. 

Nobody would need to look up. It’s immediately obvious that you’re heading to the batcave, or a rerun of The Crow at the cinema.

Eyebrows are key

I shave off my natural eyebrows to create a smooth, blank canvas for whichever random and inventive eyebrows I fancy drawing on that day. I suspect many of you do too, or at least you shave the tails and replace them with something more hauntingly whimsical. 

Technically, this is makeup I’m talking about here, but it is the laziest and easiest way to make your face look scary. I personally would draw on some dark, thin, swirly and high eyebrows to confirm my gothiness. No regular person wears Maleficent-style brows to do the food shop. But you do. Because you’re a goth.

Spooky jewellery always wins

This is potentially the easiest and most accessible way to present your identity if you’re feeling lazy. Just clasp a bat necklace around your neck and put some dagger earrings in your ears, and you’re good to go. 

Building a horrifyingly gothic jewellery collection is simple and budget-friendly. My best pieces of advice are scouring charity shops for anything black, and waiting until the tacky halloween jewellery is discounted!

Hair: make or break

*Okay, I know I’m wearing makeup in this picture, but ignore that. Focus on the hair!

Anybody remotely interested in their appearance knows that hair is the most powerful beauty and fashion tool. Hair can make or break any outfit or makeup look. The most obvious way to make your hair look goth is to dye it; either classic black, or you can play around with colours, textures and styles to find your unique look.

Dyeing isn’t for everyone. You might have allergies or work commitments ruling out this option. My other go-to for when I’ve woken up feeling lazy is hair accessories. I have spider and skeleton hand clips that look incredible. My personal favourite hair accessory, though, is the claw clip, and I’ve amassed a spooky collection of them. I have a Saw themed clip I got at Comic-Con, a spider claw clip I found in a vintage shop, and a skeleton hand clip from Flying Tiger. 

I’m a firm believer in the sentiment that goth is everywhere. If you’re open and optimistic about finding things, gothic accessories will appear in the places you least expect.

Textures are a must

You’re feeling way too lazy to fasten a corset or untangle the ruffle on your best Victorian blouse. The last thing you want to do is scramble to find your best dress when your 9am lecture is imminent. 

If this is the case, simply finding simple pieces with somewhat gothic textures will save you. My wardrobe is full of versatile clothes in a range of stereotypically goth materials that work wonders. My personal favourites are velvet, faux leather and lace, but there are many more options to choose from. Rocking up to a coffee date wearing a simple velvet skirt and lace blouse will do the trick: you’re clearly a lazy goth babe in need of a black forest latte.

Poke holes in your face

This is another hit-or-miss option for us goths, since we live in a world not built for us. It’s seen as uncouth, unprofessional and shocking to poke holes in our faces and put decorative metal through them. If piercings aren’t possible for you due to work, money or disapproving family, I’d suggest opting for fake piercings or drawing them on with eyeliner pen. 

If piercings are your favourite, as they are mine, you’ll know that these are the best ways to stay lazy and look alternative. Building a collection of spooky, gothic facial jewellery guarantees an easy goth look whenever you need it.