Diary of a Happy Goth

At the peak of the A-Level season in 2024, I realised I’d somehow gone from a UK size 10, to a size 14-16, seemingly overnight. Since I was preoccupied with studying, I hadn’t really noticed the gradual but consistent weight gain. I realised this was naturally happening (I hadn’t been increasing my daily caloric intake!), thanks to my contraception and simply genetics. 

The weight gain itself wasn’t what troubled me, actually I realised I looked gorgeous as a curvy woman. My problem was my wardrobe. Being interested in gothic and alternative fashion meant I had curated a spooky wardrobe I was incredibly proud of over the years. Most of these items had run their course however, and could no longer stretch over my thighs or bust. Luckily I was always a charity shop and second-hand fiend, meaning my wardrobe consisted of a variety of sizes, and I happened to already have some clothes in a size 14-16, which before I had been wearing with a belt or clipped with a safety pin. 

Despite this glimpse of salvation, I still had lots of clothes to sell, and therefore, space to fill. Here’s my advice.

Follow curvy people with your style – curate your feed!

Whilst I am a believer in the detrimental impact social media can have on our mental wellbeing, none of us are realistically going to delete all social media platforms. To combat the relentless pumping of slim women and diet content onto our feeds, we can train our algorithms. I decided to unfollow anyone who made me feel negative about myself. This is not a reflection of that person, who is simply existing on social media, but a reflection of my own empowerment and emotional needs. Finding curvy people on social media that share the same style as you is simple: just type in ‘curvy inspo’, or a phrase to that effect, followed by an aesthetic you’re interested in. Searching ‘curvy goth fashion’ into Pinterest, Instagram and TikTok allowed me to effortlessly curate a feed that made me feel seen, inspired, represented, and good!

Sell one thing, buy another!

As a low-income student girly, the prospect of having to spend money on a new wardrobe daunted me. Finding ethical, alternative, slow fashion that doesn’t break the bank is difficult. Firstly, I’d suggest remembering that expensive, sustainable clothes are made to last, unlike fast fashion garments. As we grow into our adult bodies, it makes sense to spend a few extra pounds on clothing that we’ll be wearing for years. However, I do appreciate that this is not financially possible for many. That’s where Vinted, Depop and eBay come in. I found it really helpful being able to sell something that no longer fits me, and spend the balance from it on something new. This ‘sell one thing, buy another’ approach is a cost-effective way of decluttering and curating a new wardrobe.

Go retro – try things on in shops!

In the modern age of digital shopping and decaying high streets, it might seem like a distant memory to go into a shop and try on a garment. When your body changes, it’s hard to use online images and size guides to know what will actually fit and look good. If you’re alternative, it may seem impossible to find stylish clothes on the high street, but I can guarantee a city near you will have an alternative shop of some kind – make a day of it! If not, high street brands like Primark and H&M will surprise you, and have lace, velour or faux leather pieces in dark colours that would work as basic layering garments. Simply use accessories and jewellery to spice them up! Even some charity shops have fitting rooms. This way, you can get a feel for which types and styles of clothes work for you and your changing body.

Don’t let old pictures get you down

During your journey, it’s inevitable that old pictures will resurface, showing your old, slimmer, perhaps younger body. These make it so easy to fall back into an unhealthy, diet-obsessed mindset. I’m not saying delete any pictures, but staying strong in support of your natural, changing and growing body is crucial at this stage. Similarly, it can be hard to realise that one of your favourite items of clothing no longer fits. It’s natural to consider dieting and weight loss to slip back into that garment, but it’s important to remember that clothes should fit you, not the other way around. Having a loving and encouraging support network around you will make this process so much easier. A close friend sent me a picture of us from a few years ago, and my response was, “skinny Hannah!” Whilst this didn’t come from a negative, harmful place within myself, my friend caught my language and replied, “no, that’s teenage Hannah. You are now adult Hannah,” which has stuck with me. Our bodies fluctuate and change as we grow into adulthood. Our bodies don’t need to look the same as they did when we were teenagers.

Experiment!

One of the most fun and exciting things about curating a new wardrobe is the ability to experiment with different styles and aesthetics. I’ve always been in love with gothic fashion, and that will never change, but this process did allow me the opportunity to explore other styles and blend them into my own. I’m a proud Essex girl, lover of house music and ‘chav’ culture, based on my working class roots. I’ve blended hoop earrings, leopard print, pink tracksuits and long nails into my gothic base, which has formed an interesting Kat Slater-style madness. And I love it!

I will also never leave my emo roots behind, incorporating emo fashion at the same time. Your weight gain fashion journey is the perfect time and place to experiment with style, no matter how old you are.